I Stuck to These 8 Phrases—And My Child Truly Became More Gentle
As parents, we all want to treat our children with gentleness and patience. But when emotions surge, it’s not always easy to keep calm — sometimes, we end up raising our voices. Yelling may bring temporary obedience, but it often wounds a child’s self-esteem and weakens the bond between parent and child.
If you’re hoping to yell less, try reading the following 8 sentences every day. Each one is explained with the psychology behind it, helping you apply it in real life. Stick with it for a while, and you may find that not only your mindset but your child’s behavior starts to shift — quietly, and beautifully.
1. “My child’s behavior is not against me. It’s a call for help.”
When your child cries, yells, or talks back, it’s easy to think: They’re defying me! But often, children misbehave because they’re tired, hungry, emotionally overwhelmed, or simply don’t know how to express their needs.
If we pause and interpret their actions as signals for help — not attacks — we can respond with calm support instead of anger.
“Hatred never ceases by hatred; hatred only ceases by love. This is an eternal law.”
— Dhammapada
2. “My emotions are my responsibility, not my child’s fault.”
After a long, stressful day, even a small mishap can trigger us. But our children are not responsible for our stress.
This sentence reminds us that emotional regulation is an adult’s duty. It’s not fair to expect children to walk on eggshells to avoid our outbursts.
“Like a skilled rider reins in his horse, the wise person reins in the mind and finds peace.”
— Saṃyutta Nikāya
3. “My child’s brain is still developing. They need time to learn.”
The prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control — doesn’t fully develop until around age 25. That’s why children can be impulsive, emotional, or inattentive.
Expecting them to always be “mature” or “reasonable” is unrealistic. Understanding this gives us the patience to guide instead of punish.
“Just like a young sapling needs time to grow straight, children need time to mature.”
— Miscellaneous Parables Sutra
4. “Yelling teaches fear, not understanding.”
Studies show that children who are frequently yelled at are more likely to become anxious, insecure, or mimic aggressive behavior.
Yelling may get short-term compliance, but what lingers is fear — not wisdom. Calm, firm communication helps children internalize values and develop self-discipline.
“Gentle words quell anger; kind words create harmony.”
— Dhammapada, Parable Chapter
5. “I can take a deep breath and speak with calm.”
Most emotional outbursts happen within a few seconds. If we can pause during that moment, we can avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming our fight-or-flight response and restoring rational thinking.
“With mindfulness and stillness, the storm of the mind settles like water after waves.”
— Mahāparinirvāṇa Sūtra
6. “My child needs a role model, not a critic.”
Children learn more from what we do than what we say. If we want them to learn patience, respect, and emotional awareness, the best way is to practice it ourselves.
Speak calmly, and they’ll learn calmness. Lose control, and they’ll think yelling is normal.
“When parents cultivate clarity and virtue, their children naturally follow.”
— Sutra on the Deep Kindness of Parents
7. “This stage will pass — I want to cherish our time together.”
Parenting can feel overwhelming, but our child’s deep dependence on us only lasts a few short years.
Someday, you’ll miss that little one who begged you for bedtime stories. When we view today’s challenges through a long-term lens, we respond with more compassion and less frustration.
“All things are fleeting, like morning dew or lightning in the sky. Treasure the present moment.”
— Buddha’s Final Teachings
8. “I’m not a perfect parent, but I’m trying to grow.”
We all make mistakes. We all lose it sometimes. What matters is that we reflect, apologize when needed, and keep improving.
This sentence helps us let go of guilt and remember that good parenting isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence and intention.
“To recognize one’s faults is the mark of true wisdom.”
— Dhammapada
In Closing:
Raising a child is a sacred journey. It’s also an ongoing spiritual practice — one that asks us to adjust, to reflect, to soften.
Let these 8 sentences be your daily reminder to choose peace over power, compassion over control.
And if nothing else works, take three deep breaths… and repeat quietly to yourself:
“This is my child. My own child. My very own child.”
That reminder alone may bring you back to love.
Today’s Book Recommendation: Three Teachings in Zen Meditation
The core message of the text emphasizes the importance of training the mind, confronting its uncontrolled nature, and cultivating patience and perseverance, particularly through the practice of zen meditation. It underscores the idea that by taming the mind, one becomes the master rather than a slave to emotions. The text also highlights the importance of maintaining a sharp and fearless mind, free from the drag of past memories and fears. Additionally, it stresses the significance of bringing awareness and attention into daily life, especially in interactions with individuals with whom we have karmic connections. Our suffering is caused not by the possessions themselves, but by our attitude towards them, highlighting the nature of attachment. It encourages the reader to work on lessening attachment and greed in the mind through everyday experiences.Bringing meditation into practice, making zen meditation a way of life. Check it out.
