In romantic relationships, one must learn to...
True intimacy doesn’t thrive on endless compromise or constant pleasing.
It flourishes when both partners understand the subtle dance of giving and receiving—when each person contributes value and presence, rather than merely submitting or overextending.
Many broken relationships begin with good intentions. One partner gives endlessly, believing that love is about sacrifice—that pure devotion will be enough. But when self-love is absent and one’s entire emotional energy revolves around the other, that love becomes a trap, not a sanctuary.
In Buddhist teachings, this is called upādāna—clinging. The tighter we hold onto love with attachment and craving, the more it slips through our fingers.
We treasure what we invest in.
Imagine a child with two stones: one is a polished gem gifted by a friend; the other is an unremarkable rock found during a hiking trip with their parent, carved with memories. If asked to give one away, the child will likely keep the second. Why? Because they were part of its journey—it carries their sweat, joy, and shared moments. It is not just a rock, but a story.
As The Little Prince says:
“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
Likewise, in relationships, emotional investment increases value. But this must be mutual.
Don’t become a one-person relationship.
When one gives everything while the other merely receives, love loses its equilibrium. You may spend days planning, traveling across states, spending money and time, only for the other to meet you with mild interest. What costs you deeply, costs them nothing. And what costs nothing is rarely valued.
Relationships are not built through grand gestures alone, but through shared effort—through what both people are willing to put in.
As the Buddha taught: “With minds rightly collected, both partners can cross the flood together.”
But one cannot carry two people across.
The psychology of emotional economics.
There’s a principle in behavioral science called the sunk cost effect: the more we invest, the harder it is to walk away—even if the outcome is uncertain. This is why those who give too much too soon often feel trapped. Their identity becomes entangled in the relationship.
But this can be turned into strength—if both partners invest. When each person adds to the fire, it keeps burning. When only one does, they eventually burn out.
Even in simple things: when you buy an expensive vacuum, you use it carefully. When you buy a cheap broom, you toss it when it breaks. Emotional value works the same way.
Smart love knows boundaries.
Love is not submission. Love is not losing yourself. Even in Buddhist teachings, middle path—not excess, not deficiency—is essential to liberation. When we learn to guide, to inspire giving from the other person—not by manipulation, but through shared vision—we create space for lasting respect.
This is not about demanding or testing. It’s about co-creating a relationship where both people have ownership.
Even villagers, when asked to help build a bridge, won’t contribute unless they see its benefit. But if they help lay the first stone, the bridge becomes theirs.
So too in love. When we create something together—each giving time, presence, and effort—it becomes precious.
Don’t be afraid to ask for effort.
Many people hesitate to “burden” their partner. But if you’re always the one adjusting, compromising, and pleasing, resentment will grow. Not all discomfort is bad—some is the growing pain of a stronger bond.
The Buddha reminds us: “As a man sows, so shall he reap.” When both partners sow effort, love blossoms with balance.
Your value attracts love, not your sacrifice.
No one falls for someone with no sense of self. People are drawn to inner strength, clarity, and independence. If you want to be loved deeply, cultivate yourself. Build a life that would continue beautifully even if you were alone.
Marriage is not the finish line. It’s the beginning of work, growth, and sometimes conflict. Many believe marrying the “right person” guarantees happiness. But love requires daily maintenance—not dependence.
- For more insightful books on mindful living, healthy eating, fitness habits, meditation practices, philosophical reflections, and the art of nurturing pets, stay tuned. We’ll continue to share thoughtful selections to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
When you root yourself deeply, you become unshakable.
Let your energy nourish yourself first. Then you can nourish others. When love flows from abundance, not desperation, it becomes sustaining.
True love is not possession. It is freedom in connection. As Buddhist texts say:
“Attachment brings suffering; but loving-kindness frees the heart.”
Don’t chase those who can’t see your worth. Don’t bleed to keep a connection alive.
Love is a shared path—a mutual pilgrimage. Walk it with someone who carries their own light.
What about you?
Have you ever found yourself giving too much in a relationship, hoping it would be enough?
Or perhaps you’ve experienced the opposite—where love blossomed because both of you were equally invested?
Here are some free books to gently nourish your soul:
Keep exploring more inspiring content to enrich your mind and spark new insights:
- Let Go of Their Lessons, Walk Your Own Path
- Top Meditation Techniques for Better Sleep
- The Five Types of Negative Energy in Parents That Weigh Most Heavily on Their Children
- How Can We Keep All Relationships at Their Best?
- Understanding the Benefits of Journaling for Emotional Health
- Creating a Relaxation Space at Home: Tips and Ideas
- Wake Up to Yourself : The Key to Happiness and Self-Improvement
- How to Manage Emotional Overload in a Stressful World by Meditation
- 4 Mindfulness Techniques to Help Break the Cycle of Negative Emotions
- Choosing Complain: A Path to Life Ruins
- Moderation in Action
- Mindful Breathing Exercises to Lower Blood Pressure Naturally
- The Science of Mindfulness: How It Impacts Emotional Health
- How Do Meditation and Mindfulness Practices Differ, and How Do They Affect Mental and Physical Health?
- Meditation and Health: 10 Minutes a Day Can Change Your Life
