The Secrets a Therapist Won’t Tell Someone with Depression…
“Doctor, when will I stop feeling this pain?”
“Do I need to be fully healed before I go back to school, to work, to love someone again?”
I have heard these questions countless times in mental health clinics. The honest answer I wish I could give every time is: You don’t need to wait.
Waiting for the pain to go away entirely may only pull you deeper into darkness. Life doesn’t wait for us to be unbroken. Healing begins the moment you decide to live with your pain, not after it’s gone.
I. Recovery Begins the Moment You Make Room for Pain
In psychology, there is a concept called experiential avoidance — the tendency to suppress or escape inner discomfort like sadness, shame, or fear. But avoidance itself becomes the breeding ground for deeper suffering.
A 2023 study in Clinical Psychology Review confirmed: emotional avoidance significantly sustains depressive symptoms, especially in adolescents and early-onset cases.
Suppressing pain is not the same as resolving it. Denial is not healing. Avoidance does not equal safety. When you begin to say, “I allow sadness to be here for a while,” something inside you shifts. You’re no longer running.
“One who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle.” — Dhammapada, Verse 103
II. Even the Strong Are Wounded
Depression is not a failure of the weak. It’s an experience shared by the brightest among us. Robin Williams, an icon of joy, once said:
“I understand what it feels like to be lonely in a crowd, to be empty in laughter.”
He didn’t wait to be fully healed before creating works of deep impact. He walked with pain, yet he lit up others’ darkness.
And closer to us: students finishing exams while on medication, mothers wiping tears before taking care of their children, employees returning to work right after emotional collapse. These are not stories of despair; they are stories of quiet bravery.
III. Pain Is Not Your Enemy, But Your Teacher
Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, wrote:
“Suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds meaning.”
Pain, without meaning, crushes. But pain, with meaning, awakens. Tara Brach, a renowned mindfulness teacher, says:
“Refusing pain only deepens your separation from yourself.”
Real healing begins when you say to your pain: I see you, and I won’t abandon you. The goal of therapy isn’t to erase sadness, but to teach you to walk with it — with clarity, compassion, and presence.
“In the sea of suffering, may I learn to cross with compassion.” — Avatamsaka Sutra
📚Suggested Reading: Becoming Your Own Therapist by Lama Thubten Yeshe
IV. Your Symptoms Are Messages, Not Enemies
“Emotions are not errors. They are intelligent feedback systems.”
Depression can be a rebellion against meaningless living. Anxiety is your survival instinct. Anger is a response to violated boundaries. The issue is not the symptom, but our refusal to listen.
When you ask, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” — you start a sacred dialogue with your inner world. In that inquiry, you might hear:
- “I don’t want to suppress myself anymore.”
- “I am tired of pleasing everyone.”
- “I want to live a life that actually belongs to me.”
“When the mind is released from clinging, it becomes boundless like space.” — The Buddha
V. Everyone Is Hurting, Even If You Can’t See It
A young patient once cried, “Everyone around me is doing fine. I’m the only one who’s depressed. Am I just weak?”
No, you are just honest. In a world obsessed with positivity, pain is hidden under curated photos and filtered lives. But it’s still there.
- That friend posting vacation photos might be on anti-anxiety medication.
- The colleague sharing motivational tips could be seeing a therapist weekly.
- The one telling you to “stay strong” might be typing that through tears.
You are not alone. You are simply among the few who dare to feel honestly.
“Just as a lotus rises from the mud, so too can the heart rise from sorrow.” — Lotus Sutra
VI. Life Doesn’t Wait — Start Anyway
Don’t wait for all the pain to go away before you begin again. Begin with the pain. Start small:
- Step outside, even if for five minutes.
- Cook yourself a warm bowl of porridge.
- Greet a cat, a bird, or a neighbor.
- Write: “Today, I’m still here.”
These acts are not weakness. They are devotion. To the life inside you.
“Even in a body wracked with pain, the awakened one sees clearly.” — Majjhima Nikaya
VII. Conclusion: You Don’t Need to Wait. Just Walk.
To those walking through depression: yes, you are hurting. But you don’t need to stop hurting to begin living.
The truth is: healing doesn’t demand perfection. It demands presence. Even in pain, you are allowed to taste sunlight, feel music, sip coffee, smile at a stranger.
As the Buddha taught:
“The one who walks with mindful steps does not tread in vain.”
Please remember: You don’t need to stop hurting to start living.
Sometimes, it’s when you choose to live despite the pain, that healing quietly begins.
Suggested Reading: Becoming Your Own Therapist by Lama Thubten Yeshe
Also Recommended: The Fundamental Practice of Zen Meditation Zazen by Master Sheng Yen
If this touched you, share it with someone who needs to hear: You are not alone. You are not broken. And yes, you can begin.
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- True Intimacy Is Not Fusion but Reflection: On Boundaries and the Art of Connection
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- Eight Habits You Must Change in Interpersonal Communication
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